It might interest my readers, especially those with disabilities, to learn that my mother is my live-in carer and, therefore, my travel companion through most of my adventures. She has lived with me throughout my college career. In elementary and high school, I had a mix of good and bad paraprofessionals to hold my belongings, help take notes in class, and assist me for safety in restrooms. If you think that some of these tasks caused disruption to my personal space and intruded on my social world, you are correct. Which is why I have come to appreciate my mother, not only as my loving and devoted parent, but as a rocking carer!
I have always been a competitive student despite my fine and gross motor deficits and visual perception difficulties. For most people, it is difficult to understand how I can learn so much about certain historical events or genetic diseases, but I cannot master which direction to turn my wheelchair as I exit a familiar building. There are basic things, that despite years of concentration, physical and occupational therapy, alternative methods that involved charts, prompts, hidden clues and a fair share of yelling, I cannot do, and probably will never be able to do, without assistance. This is where my mother comes in. She helps me get ready for my day, sets me up, checks my preparedness, and sends me out to conquer my world. She is a safety net that I know I will not have forever, but one that I am taking full advantage of while I do.
Although I had several excellent choices for colleges both near to home and across the country, I chose Cornell University because it was an excellent first-rate university and had a Science and Technology Studies program where I could focus on the history of medicine. I was thrilled to be accepted and did not think about the six-hour distance from home or the brutal winters of Ithaca, New York. We visited the campus only once and my mother agreed to accompany me up while I adjusted. Cornell has a disability services office that does a great job at arranging accommodations and travel between classes for students with disabilities. We moved into a dorm room with a private bathroom, ate in dining halls apart and in restaurants together, and basically never looked back.
At first, I made excuses for my Mom’s presence because I was a freshman in college. One of the rights of passage for most college freshmen is living alone or with friends, away from home and away from your parents. But, let’s revisit my situation. I have cerebral palsy that impacts my ability to walk, bathe, dress, cook, do laundry, carry parcels, or clean house without assistance. Which left me two choices: employ an outside person who may or may not show up, be on time, care about me getting to class, care about how presentable I look, and on and on. More money, less caring, or no extra cost and my mother’s presence, sometimes when I needed comforting the most. Do we fight? Yes. Do we get along? Yes. Do we get on each other’s nerves? Sometimes. However, we have spent the last several years together and we are remarkably good friends. She has given me the space I needed to have a full college experience and to graduate on time with honors. From my Mom’s perspective, she has been able to take a ride with me that she never imagined would be possible given my medical and developmental history. The bottom line is, for us, it works. For you, it may or may not. We both have gotten to the point where we just are. We are together, especially when we travel abroad. We are socially together at times and sometimes apart with our own colleagues and friends. We complement each other in doing what we do, and often complement each other on how we manage to do it!
Going Abroad
Logistically I can tell you that I am a firm believer in full disclosure, and not just for this travel blog. When I began to meet with Cornell’s Study Abroad office, I pointedly told them I wanted to study at Oxford… oh and, by the way, I cannot go without my mother!! To their credit, they appeared to accept it as typical (notice I am not using the word “Normal”) from the get-go, but I am sure there were lengthy discussions behind the scenes that were needed to ensure I would be taken care of and remain safe and comfortable while abroad. Happy to report, we were fully supported on both sides of the ocean. When we arrived at Pembroke College in Oxford, we were given two adjoining rooms with a private bathroom, and the staff could not be more welcoming to both me and my Mum (new country, new name).
We used my time off throughout the year to travel around the United Kingdom and Europe and had some crazy and wonderful experiences that I will share with you in this blog. Experiencing new places and sights as trusted companions made our travels even better. We made friends and memories to last a lifetime as we shared laughter, tears, joy and excitement.
I hope this blog helps eliminate some of the stigma surrounding individuals with disabilities who travel alone or with a companion. I want to encourage others with disabilities to ask for what they need and not be afraid to disclose their expectations. You are not just another in a sea of others; You are the one that everyone will take notice of and address. Use this for your advantage by letting others know the wonderfully adventurous person you are. Always remember that you are in control of your day, your travels, and your destiny. And above all, never worry about what other people think, they are not in your shoes.
Until next time, Wheel On!